I planned to provide an update since leaving travel nursing, but realized when I logged in today that I really left a cliff hanger for everyone. Did I really only post two articles relating to the last assignment? I will admit that it was an assignment that was less than optimal (reading the last post pretty much sums it up -it did not improve), but I really thought I wrote more about it……
I have spent the last several months in a constant form of reflection since leaving travel nursing. It has not been easy to adjust to the new normal. I sometimes find myself feeling disoriented to my location and time of year. I will be walking through a grocery store or driving down the road and find myself thinking “Oh yeah, I am in Texas now…… Wait, it is winter time……Where was I last, oh yeah…….. When was I in Maine, oh that’s right….. Did I go to Hawaii first, or Nebraska…..”. The list goes on and on. I think it is related to the whirlwind of one assignment/location after another blended with different climates that would represent different seasons depending on the location, etc. Either way, I wonder if this will stabilize at some point.
I have struggled with my sense of purpose since leaving. I didn’t take into consideration how much personal and professional growth would occur while traveling and experiencing so many different cultures and environments. There is no going back…. So, what do I do next and how do I blend my past and present? I don’t have the answer to that yet, but I am working through it. I had never questioned my sense of belonging -as a person or professional. But now, I don’t feel as if I belong anywhere and I didn’t realize how much that meant prior to becoming a travel nurse. It has caused a sort of existential crisis, to be honest.
I suppose I need to allow myself more time to process all of it, but it is not easy for someone that is as impatient as myself. I find myself in a mindset of frenzy, continuously searching for answers as if searching for pieces of a puzzle. It is very distracting and not as productive as I would like, but I need to make sense of all of it, and I can’t.
I receive calls and texts from people that I have met along the way -this is the highlight of my existence right now. I suppose I am experiencing some form of the grief process through all of this. Though these special people have not passed away, they are completely out of reach and I don’t really know how to cope with the loss of them in my life. I am completely joyous when I hear their voices or read their texts. But it is short-lived, because I relive the moments that I shared with them and then I miss them all over again.
I know that this will all make sense at some point, and I will see the greater good in all of it. I will find a purpose that is worthy of everything that I have encountered and will be able to put it to use in a manner that glorifies God and the journey that He allowed me to pursue and experience. I look forward to that.
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