Intermission IV

Saying goodbye is always hard, as I have mentioned in the past. But this one was a Damn good, good bye (like Mike Ryan’s song). We went out with a bang that last night in Red Cloud, Nebraska. It was a wonderful time spent laughing, hugging, and reminiscing. The relationships that I developed on that assignment were different from other assignments. I am not able to tell why, they just were. They will be lifelong for sure.

I was able to spend extra time at home this time. I spent some time at the barn visiting the horses and braiding manes for my husband (you can see some of my handy work above). I was also able to visit with some special friends and family this trip home. But most of my time was spent trying to prepare for the next journey.

Trying to prepare for this trip was very different from the previous trips. I am accustomed to having everything I need in a camper, all it requires is the truck to pull it to where I’m going. This time I attempted to fit 3 months worth of necessities into a suitcase to fly across the world (at least that is what it feels like). I’m sure I’ll learn many things from this preparation. In an attempt to minimize packed items, I have placed an order with Walmart to have toiletries and other items delivered the day after we arrive. We weighed my bag and it is >70 pounds, so I guess we will still have to pay extra for it (shrug).

There are times that I am increasingly aware of how difficult it is to continue to be a travel nurse. The emotional and psychological cost is high. I find myself feeling like a vagabond without roots or connections. As a person that has always lived in the same place with generations of family friends and connections; it is alienating and isolating to travel from one location to the next with only brief visits at home, only to meet new people, make new friends, and then leave them behind (over and over). I live in a phase of low-key grief at all times. Instead of having acute pain that accompanies loss, I feel like it has become somewhat chronic. It can feel all-encompassing at times and often exhausting. I feel sadness, insomnia; and restless at times. Being self-aware and recognizing the symptoms is essential to finding a path to cope in a constructive manner to prevent projecting my emotions on others around me, so I find myself continuously analyzing myself and my feelings.

One of the ways that I cope is to focus my energy on the new adventure that awaits. This next one is BIG. It is full of countless “I have never’s”, which causes some anxiety, but my husband will be accompanying me on this assignment, and for that I am so grateful! We are headed to a place that we could only dream of visiting, much less living. I am excited to learn about the culture, the language, and the cuisine (of course). I am choosing to focus on the “here and now” and capturing all the memories that I can, knowing that time is transient and nothing lasts forever. Because I firmly believe that “Life is a journey, not a destination”, as Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote.

3 responses to “Intermission IV”

  1. So where you headed, missed the announcement

  2. Darrene Harrison Avatar
    Darrene Harrison

    Sounds fascinating! Can’t wait to hear more. I know what you mean feeling ungrounded. I am home for a while after being with an ill relative for several months. So glad to be home. Dread going back a little, but thankful I can be of assistance.

  3. good luck on your adventure! I can imagine how being gone from your home a lot takes a toll on you.

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