For reasons recently disclosed (and those not disclosed), I have a new assignment in what is considered the high desert. We arrived this past weekend and I received the dry air and cooler temperatures with open arms. I started the new assignment on Monday. I have added a personalized piece to my new office. It has joined my one, framed photograph on my desk that I take with me to each destination.
I carry a sense of loneliness with me at all times right now due to recent events. Grief has a way of affecting us and our bodies in mental and physical ways. It has an ability to affect the very fiber of our being down to our core. I can feel it’s physical pain deep in my bones and joints right now. I can feel it in my muscles and on the surface of my skin. I feel like I have been beaten with a baseball bat, and have accused my husband of doing so while I was asleep (he emphatically denies this).
My husband has a “way” with words and an incredible gift with speaking truth. These are the words he shared with me yesterday: “What happened was terrible. It truly doesn’t get any worse. We all wish it were different or that we could change it, BUT, it happened. We can now decide to curl up in a ball on the floor and stop living, OR we can decide to cherish the memories, live life for the ones that are still here, and enjoy each moment that we have left.” I think that is what we call a “pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps” mentality in Texas. There are two things that I appreciate about his wisdom. Number one, it implies his belief in me that I am strong enough to get through this. Number two, it implies that I have a choice in “how” I will get through it, which is empowering at a moment in my life that I feel the most powerless. Both are essential to my existence right now.
I continue to recover from COVID, which is a testament to our amazing immune systems and their ability to adapt and conquer (it is one of my favorite bodily functions). I have a persistent buzz in my left ear that has not resolved, but my appetite and energy are returning. I am grateful for the climate here. This cool, dry air doesn’t have the humidity or barometric pressure that is back home in Texas, so it’s much easier to stay active, soak up some sunshine, and take care of myself while I recover.