Pearl is sitting beside me as I write this. She will be gone tomorrow morning and so will my husband. Back to Texas again. I don’t have words to describe the feeling of loss. I always begin feeling that sense of loss the moment that they arrive for a visit. Maybe someone else can relate. My mom always told me not to “borrow trouble”, but it has remained a weakness of mine. I don’t like good byes, in fact I hate them and sometimes find ways to avoid them. I am not proud of it (the people that I love deserve so much more), and I usually feel a strong sense of guilt afterwards. It is deep rooted in me somewhere. So, I begin to worry about the “good bye” as soon as they arrive. I truly make every effort to enjoy every moment, but knowing that the time is limited and that they will soon leave again remains in the back of my mind. I am a firm believer in there is no such thing as a “happy ending”. The “end” of anything is always sad. The end of a marriage, the end of a career, the end of childhood, the end of a trip, etc. The joy must be found in the journey. This is what I use to force myself to refocus on the “here and now”.
We have made the most of this visit. It has been somewhat low-key, which is our favorite style and M.O. The weather was perfect. I told my husband that it had warmed up just for him (we had a blizzard upon us the day before he arrived). We were able to drive the 30 mile route up the mountains and back down. It is only open from May to September due to the snow and treacherous terrain. We happen to be here at the perfect time to see the amazing views. Best of all, it has just opened and is barely passable, so we were able to see it at it’s freshest, unadulterated finest. I was not expecting Aspen trees at the top (see picture). It was a wonderful surprise here in what is considered the desert; We rode the local historic train (it was my husbands first time to ride a train). It reminded me of the trip that my grandparents took me on as a child from Palestine to Rusk and back; We visited a local lake; We rented a side-by-side to explore all of the Bureau of Land Management (BLM) trails that surround us; We spent an afternoon sitting outside playing dominoes and we managed to eat at every local restaurant while he was here. We are incredibly sunburned right now from spending so much time outside here with the high UV rays. The best part about the whole trip is that he was able to experience everything here. Now, when I speak of local landmarks and locations, he will have a direct understanding and ability to relate.
My husband has had sporadic nose bleeds through out the trip (mostly when least expected) due to the dry air here. His allergy signs and symptoms have been exacerbated by the native plants (I suspect Cedar). He has gone to bed early tonight after taking Dayquil all day and Nyquil tonight. I am hoping that he feels well enough to make the trip back to Texas tomorrow. I don’t want him to end up sick in a hotel room in the middle of nowhere with no one to care for him.
Pearl did not fare so well with this trip. She made it through one hike and was crippled for the rest of the trip due to her paws being injured. She is an “outside” dog and I never considered her not being able to tolerate the terrain here. I feel terrible for her. I ordered her some boots today that resemble Crocs to protect her little feet. The fact that they resemble Crocs was intentional so that she can match my husband. They happen to be his favorite shoes, just ask him. He has no shame in his game.
We have finally received an appraisal for his business back home in Texas. Our hopes are that a deal will be completed during this assignment, or at least prior to the next one so that we can be together again and won’t have to dread the “good-byes” anymore.